Friday, October 7, 2016

Wake Up Call

October 1st, 2016.  I will forever remember this day as the day I finally woke up. The day that my real life finally began.  Over 37 years of my life has been spent sleeping.  Thinking the daily grind was all that life had to offer. I woke up early, went to work, came home, ate dinner, and went to bed. Wash, rinse, repeat.  I did everything that I thought would bring me happiness, according to all the prescribed knowledge, passed down over the generations.  I got married at 26, had a kid, got separated, filed for divorce, got really depressed, and then I finally got help.  The doctors diagnosed me with bi-polar disorder, anxiety disorder, and a few other things that I don't remember, because, quite frankly, they just don't matter anymore.  I will be adding more to my back story later, so please subscribe, if you would like to know more.  I went to a great therapist who helped me realize that I was worth more than I was giving myself credit for.  He had some unique strategies and treatment methods that really helped with my history of abuse.  Through a new process called EMDR, he gave me the tools that I needed to work through everything.  It was a process that took a while to sink in.  But, it finally did.  I was able to implement the things he taught me over a year ago, and I'm truly a different person.  But that's all just back story to the main event.  October 1st, my waking up to everything around me, my new birth day.
That was the day I met the woman that has changed my life.  I always watched movies and read books where two people met, and had that instant, lasting connection that changed their lives, and thought, "Yeah, right.  That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life. Thanks, Hollywood for setting yet another unrealistic goal for relationships in real life."  But after meeting Heather, I began to see that, while some of the aspects of the movies are still unattainable, the basic premise is within grasp. She and I have been connecting on a deep, spiritual and intellectual level, sharing our deepest and most intimate thoughts.  And that's what got my mind going.  I want to change, for the better. I want to be the best person that I can possibly be.  Not only for her, but for myself as well. 

I realized, through events that have unfolded this past week, that so much of our mental and emotional state depends on what we eat.  It's the whole input\output data set.  I've heard you are what you eat, so it's no surprise that eating dead flesh decays the body and degrades mental capacity.  After much research into the subject, and mental debate with myself (I love meat!), I decided to go vegan. To change as much as I can, so I can unleash my true creativity, and balance my body.  I don't want to be dependent on prescribed drugs for happiness and mental well-being.  I created this blog to document this process, and the changes I undergo, over time.  I want to paint a clear picture of the challenges to changing my diet, the time it takes to prepare my meals, and even what foods I eat.   I'm hoping that I can look back a year from now and see a clear picture of how the process unfolded.  I also am hoping to help each and every one of you readers see that it is possible to change.  If this blog helps even one person along this path, then the goal is complete...

My next post will be in a few days, once I have a clear meal plan defined, and have done my shopping.  I will document my mental state, the urges I have to overcome, and any changes in the clarity of my thoughts and overall sense of well-being.  I look forward to this journey, and am glad that I can share it with you.  Happy Adventures in Waking!